Husbands love your wives Colossians 3:19
Chivalry is NOT dead
Chivalry is listed in the dictionary as being the following:
- An honorable code of behavior
- Polite behavior by a man towards a woman
Warrior Husbands, your princess in waiting needs your spiritual support as we have already discussed but she also needs your physical support as well. Our actions speak volumes that we are actively engaged in the support and nurturing of her and our marriage.
Acknowledging her commitment to support our marriage through this experience is where it begins. Letting her know through our actions that we recognize and honor her for all her love, support and sacrifices. Yes, I said sacrifices! Warriors, her outward physical sacrifices often are far greater than we may realize and the need for our support more than we may be aware of. Let’s take a look at some of our princesses in waiting. Her physical sacrifices and challenges will help us better understand her needs so we can better support her. Not just in the spiritual but in the physical realm as well.
- Imagine waking up every single morning to a bed where your spouse used to be snuggled up warmly next to you. Instead you only find a cold empty space where they used to be, kind of a hard reminder to start your day with.
- Imagine going to start that coffee pot that used to brew for two in love each morning. Reaching into the cupboard to retrieve your coffee cup and there staring you in the face is the mug that you used to see in your life-mates hand each morning.
- Next moving on to the closet to pick out clothes for the day and inside hanging limply are clothes that were once so animated on the body of your spouse, looking down and empty shoes that sit idle and don’t walk by your side anymore. The day is just getting started.
- As your wife begins to move about her day all of the little reminders from others she will receive. Family, friends, co-workers and our children forever asking, “When is he coming home? How much longer? Heard anything yet? Are you all right? How are you holding up?” All those seemingly helpful, well-meaning and supportive people punctuating the void that is ever present in her life, you are incarcerated. That’s not to say anything about all the bills she has to now handle by herself or our children she is raising single-handedly.
- Then when her day seems like it couldn’t be any more challenging, here comes those “fiery darts” we talked about from the adversary on the lips of those closest to her: “You should just move on! Look what you’re going through! You deserve better!”
My princess in waiting is on the front lines in the heat of the battle each and every day, needing my support! Which one of you Warrior Husbands wants to rise up and come to your maiden’s rescue? Here is how to do it.
Support her in the spiritual realm and in the physical by outwardly showing your support. Acknowledge the challenges she is going through and let her know you are there to go through them with her. “How?” you may be asking, “Did you forget I’m locked up?!”
- Write her letters of encouragement and respond to her correspondence with attentiveness and love.
- Let her know that you care about her well-being and that what she is experiencing out there speaks volumes.
If our letters are all about ourselves and our woes here in prison they will only add to her worries and reflect how selfish we are. We should reflect our care about the details going on in her day to day life and all the challenges she is facing out there.
Warriors, if you have been blessed and have the privilege to actually speak to your wife via the new telephone systems in our prisons today – take full advantage of it! This is a God given opportunity to pray together! Don’t skip this opportunity to cover each other in prayer and acknowledge God as head of your marriage. Spouses that pray together stay together! Invite God into your phone conversations.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV) “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
This triune union is undefeatable so come together as often as possible in prayer! Then, listen to your bride. She is sharing her life with you whether it be in a letter, on the phone or at a visit. You may not think an adventure to the grocery store with the kids is very exciting, but this is your spouse sharing her life with you. Keeping you “in the loop” in the day to day of life and family that is anxiously awaiting your return.
Remember she is keeping the home fires burning and all that entails. Let’s keep chivalry alive and be mindful not to dump our daily woes atop her already hefty workload. Instead show our outward support all we can. When she knows we are giving her all he encouragement and support we possibly can, this will help her make it through the tough times.
Encourage your bride to set goals in education, career and church, to be active outside the confines of home and office. Interacting with others and setting and accomplishing goals (no matter how small) will help promote self-worth and a healthy physical, mental and emotional life for her.
Help keep your bride spiritually and physically healthy and happy by your outward support and involvement in the wellbeing of your wife and marriage. You will soon begin to see the fruits of your efforts in the letters you receive and hear the smile in her voice over the phone – not to mention that twinkle in her eyes at visitation!
I am a Warrior Husband, It’s my job …and I love my job!
D. W. Ojemann, April 2013